So it’s been 6 months since Be Still This Gentle Morning was officially released. Obviously, officially the Kays have split. Unofficially I’ve started writing again. Lots. I have lots of musical projects on the go at the moment so a second Kays record was the last thing on my mind. Then one Monday morning back in Dundee, visiting my parents I started playing a song at the piano. It came quickly. It felt right. Sometimes you don’t find a song, a song finds you. I knew as soon as I was finished it that it was the beginnings of a new Kays record. I don’t know when that would be possible but I think it will happen. I’m not saying I want to reform the band. I don’t. I don’t want to play live. I don’t want to sit in dark, smelly venues from 4pm until 10 or 11pm. I don’t want to waste my life doing something that I don’t truly enjoy. I went to see Rafael Anton Irisarri the other week in Glasgow and this was something that struck me. I tried to think about playing gigs. I tried to remember what I enjoyed about it. Nothing was the answer. Sure, I love playing music, but the panic that would set in before hand was getting worse. I could feel my lungs starting to wheeze. My chest tighten. My head start to spin. I’ve never been one to have all eyes on me. So getting up on stage never came easy to me. Standing at the gig in Glasgow I thought about how I don’t miss the hanging around, the sound checks, the smelly venues, the fear at the beginning of a show, the tiredness at the end. I don’t miss the ego of other artists. I don’t miss the constant struggle to promote the music. And on top of not missing playing gigs, I don’t miss going to them either. My legs hurt after about 20 minutes at this Glasgow gig. Whilst I loved the music on show I just couldn’t face the whole night. My one sole need was to escape the dark cellar. So I did. I’m not sure where I’m going with this. I don’t think there is really a point other than to say that when I wasn’t looking for the Kays the music rediscovered me and it felt and feels good.
Recommended listening:
The Antlers – Hospice.
Rafael Anton Irisarri – The North Bend
The National – High Violet.
